my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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