This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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