accomplished twins. life is a go
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
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got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
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Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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