I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
