dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Randomize
