I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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