My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
