I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
