Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
