some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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