For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
