Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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