remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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