you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize