accomplished twins. life is a go
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
