I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
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And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
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don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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