tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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