he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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