Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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