I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
