I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
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He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
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If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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