very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
