I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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