why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
