So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Operation Purity has been aborted
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
