The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
