help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
