dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
