Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
