i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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