I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
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