OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
sex in a hospital.. check
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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