Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
