i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
