Sacagawea was the original milf.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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