Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he was CRYING into my vagina
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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