pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
