Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
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