I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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