I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
