got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Your cock deserves a montage
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
