not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
