I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
