Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
