just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize