yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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