Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
