Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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