using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Hello my rib-scented angel!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
