hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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