I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
