Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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