So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I am one with the molecules
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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