Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
