shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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