I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
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He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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